But I'll be close behind
by BlackEyedGirl
Summary: Rodney can't always do the impossible, and he's getting a little tired of being asked. Also, he has a worse case scenario plan which has John worried. JohnRodney preslash. No real spoilers post Trinity.


**Title:** But I'll be close behind  
**Pairing:** John/Rodney pre-slash  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Genre:** Drama/Fluff  
**Length:** 1,700 words  
**Disclaimer:** All belongs to Martin Gero and others not me  
**Spoilers:** Specific reference to Trinity, could be set any time post that.  
**Summary/AN:** Rodney can't always do the impossible, and he's getting a little tired of being asked. Also, he has a worse-case scenario plan which has John worried.

* * *

"... and what you're asking me to do is completely impossible!"

"McKay." 

"Breaks seventeen known laws of physics, impossible." Rodney's voice bounced around the conference room.

"McKay!"

"I know order is a little lax around here, Colonel, but scientific law continues to apply, _regardless_ of your continual yelling of my name!"

"Rodney!"

It was Elizabeth's request that finally got McKay to stop yelling. "What?" he asked.

"Rodney," John tried again, "Is this _actually_ impossible, or the McKay 'will remain impossible until we're five minutes from the city exploding' impossible?"

Rodney's face got red and his hands came up again, ready to start berating John for daring to imply that he was less than scrupulously honest when it came to scientific evaluations. "Colonel, as I have said _six_ times..."

"Yes, Rodney, we know: impossible. But there have been occasions where, I don't know, impossible hasn't actually meant _impossible _impossible. And as we're on a deadline here and don't exactly have _time_ for the requisite ego-stroking I was kind of hoping we could skip right to the flash of inspiration part."

"Excuse me!" Rodney's voice had reached piercing. Teyla winced delicately, and Radek buried his head in his notes. Ronon leant against the wall, unconcerned.

Elizabeth broke in, her voice soothing, "Rodney, we all know that what we're asking is a difficult task. We just need to know if there's _any_ way..."

"Just a moment, Elizabeth," Rodney snapped. "I want to ask Colonel Sheppard what he meant first."

"McKay," John said.

"Ask Zelenka whether he can do it," Rodney said, waving at the unfortunate scientist. Radek looked startled and held up his hands in a universal 'please don't involve me in this madness' gesture.

"Rodney."

"No, Sheppard, ask the other scientist in the room if he can do what you're asking. Oh, he can't either? It's _impossible_ he says! Really? Well that's good to know!"

"Why do you always do this? Why can it never be – 'sure, John, that's fine, a breeze even'? Why does it always have to be impossible first?"

Rodney exploded, "Because one day it will be!"

John tilted his head in query. Rodney was on a roll now, he didn't even need the encouragement.

"One day, colonel, you're going to ask me to do something that actually is impossible. And I'll say that, and you'll say 'Rodney' with your stupid drawl, and I'll try anyway. And it will be impossible. Not impossible in the way that ends up with destroying a solar system. The way where Elizabeth ends up dead. Or Teyla, or Ronon, or we lose the city." Rodney's hands darted down, splashed flat on the table. A body falling, or perhaps their city, sinking beyond the reach of Rodney's genius.

Rodney raised his hands up again in a helpless gesture. "And do you know what happens then?" He paused, as if John might actually be going to answer. "You'll blame me! Because I told you I could do it. I'm... I'm not good at failure, Sheppard. I'll do whatever I said I would do, but if I tell you it's impossible, you're just going to have to believe I have a good reason to say that." He had gone from a rant into an honest plea.

John let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "What about me?" he asked eventually, when no one else said anything.

"Hmmm?"

"When I ask you to do something impossible. What if I die?"

"Oh, not going to happen," Rodney answered dismissively.

"What?" This was as good a time as any for an eyebrow quirk. He had nearly died _a lot_ in Pegasus.

"If you die, you're taking me with you."

"What!" John asked again, baffled.

"If. You. Die. You're. Taking. Me. With. You. You can keep doing your little near-kamikaze thing for now if you must, I've moved past that. Though you might have some consideration for Elizabeth – I think you're giving her gray hair." Elizabeth touched her hair self-consciously. "And the waiting is never exactly _fun_ for the rest of us. Ronon nearly killed a gate tech that last time. Then that's John Sheppard for you – no pause to think what your actions do to the rest of us... But anyway... when you do it for real – no miraculous Daedelus rescue - you're taking me with you."

"Rodney..."

"I'm not going to be known throughout two galaxies as the one thing that actually could kill Colonel Sheppard! So, when the end comes: you, me, a large explosion."

"Rodney..." he started again, because there were so many things wrong with that logic he couldn't even _try_ to...

"Ah!" Rodney said, waving one finger. "An idea. Radek, come with me." And with that, Rodney packed up the laptop and started out the door.

Zelenka blinked once, shot John a disgruntled look, and rose. "What about me, hmm?" he asked Rodney.

As they left, John could hear Rodney reply, "What is it with you people and your jealousy? You're not dying. When I meet my undoubtedly heroic end, someone needs to stick around to keep the idiots in line."

"So, though you call me it no less than fifteen times in last hour, I am not idiot?"

"Don't get cocky. Now, if we do a controlled overload of the system..."

"System explodes."

"Controlled!"

"_Overload_! Means lack of control. _Beyond_ controlled."

"Overload of _that _system."

"But outer system..."

"Exactly! And then..."

Their voices trailed off towards the labs. John repeated, once more, "Rodney..."

* * *

John found Rodney in the labs after the crisis was averted. He brought coffee as a peace offering. Two, in fact – one to bribe Zelenka to stop giving him the evil-eye. Radek had been watching him suspiciously the whole time he was in the Gateroom. Possibly because he didn't want to take Rodney's job when his boss and John died in a ball of fire. Possibly because Radek was actually surprisingly fond of Rodney, and they tended to do the scientist-bonding thing when threatened. When Rodney started talking about 'the military mindset' and how they ignored the scientists until they needed a miracle, Radek was one of those nodding sagely.

Rodney's head turned before John was halfway across the room; he assumed it was a response to the smell, not his footsteps. He could often be standing next to Rodney for whole minutes before the scientist noticed. 

"And like Alice, Rodney McKay does it again," he said, smirking to show Rodney that it was a joke.

Rodney sighed and looked long-suffering. "I'm assuming that was a reference to 'six impossible things before breakfast'? That wasn't Alice. It was the Queen."

"Zelenka's mad at me," he offered in non sequitur.

Evidently Rodney hadn't noticed that – he looked up and across at Zelenka on the other side of the lab. "What did you do?"

John shrugged.

"If it was insulting the head scientist in a briefing, I may have to give him a raise."

"One, I don't think you can do that. Two, maybe he's just pissed that I let you pull him into your little thing."

"My little thing?"

John watched him.

"My perfectly rational argument as to why I shouldn't be asked to do the impossible every single day?"

Rodney really didn't look like someone who was secretly worried about John's wellbeing. Maybe Elizabeth had gotten it wrong. And Teyla. And Ronon, and wasn't that a weird conversation? And maybe John had imagined the flash of something dark and lost in Rodney's eyes when he had talked about John dying first. The serene resolve of his suicide pact.

"You really think people are going to blame you if you can't pull a solution out of your ass every time?"

"I've set a precedent," Rodney answered blithely.

"We all screw up."

"Not on the big things. You don't accidentally shoot the wrong person, I don't let the city sink. That's how it works." That strange hand movement again, falling or failure - or just loss.

"So your solution is your brutal death. Nice."

"What?"

"You die, I die?"

"Oh, that."

"You, me, a big ball of flames?"

"Yup."

"You couldn't just plan for us both to _live_?"

Amusement, of all things, flashed across Rodney's face. He looked at John fondly. "Optimism?"

"What's wrong with a little of that?"

"In Pegasus? It normally means you're high. God, you're not high, are you?" He leant forward as if he was going to start checking John's pupils.

"No!"

"Possessed? Infected with an ancient device?"

"No, Rodney, for God's sake! Maybe I just have faith that we're not out of Hail Mary passes just yet. And you've only done one impossible thing today, so I figure we've got another few McKay miracles left."

"Yes, well, that's exactly the problem, isn't it?"

John laid a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I'll try, okay?" He was aiming for sincerity, but Rodney just looked puzzled. And more puzzled when John left his hand where it was, kept looking at Rodney with care in his eyes.

"Try what?" Rodney asked.

"To stop always asking the impossible."

The smile Rodney gave him slow and affectionate. "Smartest man in two galaxies? I thrive on impossible. Just... just try and stop expecting me to have a solution in thirty seconds, would you? I think I'm developing stress headaches. It's one of the few flaws of a high IQ. Brain doesn't turn off very..."

John gestured towards the coffee. "Or maybe caffeine headaches. Would certainly explain the sleep deprivation."

"You brought me this!"

"Well, yeah."

Rodney shook his head in his standard response to Sheppard-weirdness. He lifted something from the desk – small and shiny. It glittered in his hand, enticing. John went to take it from him; where they both held it there were lights. Explosions going off deep inside the gem. Rodney hummed softly at it, and didn't let go. The light inside got brighter, white and beautiful.

Rodney passed it fully to John and started to take notes. He looked up, eyes reflecting the lights inside the jewel. Fireworks going off in blue. John looked back, meeting Rodney's delighted smile with a more gentle one of his own. Him, Rodney, and a big ball of fire. He could think of worse ways to go.

* * *

FIN. Feedback would be loved 


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